I am.....

I am…

I am the little engine that did.  When on my journey in life, my tracks led me to a mountain -  a diagnosis of (child’s disability) -  I looked at it with defeat - thinking there was no way I could climb over it.  I then pondered the obstacle before me, and I then said to myself over and over, "I think I can, I think I can...," then I slowly started climbing the mountain saying to myself over and over, "I know I can, I know I can,...."  and then I made it over that ominous diagnosis and continued my journey.
        I am unstoppable. 

I am more devoted than Noah’s wife.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed in my  “houseboat” -- 365 days and 365 nights a year, constantly working with and teaching my child.   But when the storms of isolation and monotony become  most unbearable, I do not jump ship. Instead I wait for the rainbow that is promised to come. 
                  I am HOPEISM.

I am Xena.  Real life warrior goddess of (child’s disability).   With my steel plated armor I can battle anyone who gets in the way of progress for my child.    I can overcome the stares and ignorance of those without a disability in their lives - and educate them as to why my child is the way he is, and why he does the things he does.  With my sword of persistence, I can battle the schools to have them properly educate my child, and with my shield of determination I can block laws and legislation that would discriminate against my child.   Yes, I am Xena - and I am prepared for any  battle that might come my way...
      I am the invincible.

I am beautiful.  I have hairy legs because I get no time alone for me, I sport bags under my eyes from staying up all night with my child, and most days I feel I am simply running on fumes. The only exercise I get is the sprint from my house to my car - to take my child to therapy.  Dressed up to me is, well - just that I had a moment to get dressed!     They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder - and so even on the days when I don't feel very beautiful - I will know that I am…….. because God is my beholder.
      I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I am the Bionic Woman.  With my bionic vision - I can see through the disability my child has,  and see the beauty in his soul,  the intelligence in his eyes --- when others can't.    I have bionic hearing -  I can look at my child when he smiles at me,  and hear his voice say, “I Love You Mommy,” --- even though he can’t talk.   Yes, I am thankful to be Bionic.
      I am empowered.

I am Mary.  A not so well known mother of my son whose life would touch the souls of those around him, in a way that will forever change them.  And it started with me.  By teaching me things I would never have known, by bringing me friendships I never would have had, and by opening my eyes as to what really matters in life.  Things like  the Joy of just living in the moment, the Peace of knowing that God is in control,  never losing Hope,  and knowing an unconditional Love that that words cannot express.  Yes, I too have been chosen for a task I would never on my own have chosen, just like Mary.
     I am humbled.

I am Superwoman.  I am able to leap over tall loads of laundry in a single bound, and run faster than a speeding bullet, to rescue my child from danger.  I have eyes eyes in the back of my head and can hear a seizure gasp from my son in the other room even when I'm sound asleep in the middle of the night. Oh yes,  without a doubt, I am Superwoman.
       I am thankful.

I am Moses.  I  am imperfect.  I may at times question whether I am the right "man" for the job ---but God will give me the Faith I need to lead my child to be the healthiest and most independent he can be.     And like Moses, God will give me the  small Miracles here and there,  needed to accomplish my mission.
            I am a leader.

I am Stretch Armstrong – a mom that can be stretched beyond belief – and still somehow return to  normal.    I can stretch limited funds to cover every treatment and therapy that insurance won't.  I can stretch my patience as I bounce from doctor to doctor in a quest to treat my child.  I can stretch what time I have, and share it with my husband, my children, my church, and still have some leftover to help my friends.   Yes, my name is Stretch.  And I have the stretch-marks to prove it!
                               I am resilient.
        

 I am Rosa Parks.  I refuse to move or waver in what I believe is right for my child --simply because my view is  the minority, not the majority.   I refuse to believe "What can one mother do?"  But instead, I will write, call, and rally to the government if I have to, and  do  whatever it takes to prevent discrimination against my child and ensure that he gets the services he needs.
        I am brave.

I am Hercules.  The Greek god known for strength and courage.   The heavy loads I must carry would make others crumble to the ground.  The weight of Sorrow, Fear at uncertainty of the future, Injustice at having no answers, and the Tears of despair,  would alone possibly be too much, --- even for Hercules.  But then the Joy, Laughter, Smiles, and Pride,  - at my child's accomplishments, - balance the load to make it easy to bear. 
               I am indomitable.

I am touched by an Angel.  An Angel who  lives in a world of his own.   And it’s true.  He lives in a world of innocence and purity.  A world without hatred or deceit.  A world where everyone is beautiful and where no-one is ugly.  A world where there is always enough time when you simply live in this moment.  A world where he goes to bed with no worries of tomorrow and wakes up with no regrets of the past.  Yes, I most certainly am touched by an Angel, and in some ways,  his world is better….
            I am blessed.

I am a true "Survivor" - the mom of a child, who has faced, is facing, and will face, --some of the most difficult challenges life has to offer for longer than any human was designed to have to face them.   I am ready for the marathon to outwit, outlast, and outplay my opponent of disability.  The only things I will be given are the supernatural mental endurance and fortitude to last until the end; -- along with  a sense of humor to cope with all the twists, turns, and surprises along the way.   Oh yes, I am a  TRUE "Survivor" - and I only wish it were as easy as being on a television show and collecting one million dollars at the end. 
             I am the champion.

I am forged from the adversities I have been forced to face.  I have gained a strength from those fires that few could fathom. Where the most elite in the Military have a motto that says "The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday" - as the mom of my son who is vaccine injured I have found my motto to be, "There Are No Easy Days" - only battles to fight with little to no reinforcements for the weary.  And like those elite warriors, I will only be defeated in two ways:  If I give up, or if I die.  I am in it to win it.  I will run to the ROAR.  I will Never Quit.
          I am NDCQ.
    (not dead can't quit)

I am the mom of a child with a disability, all the above,  and so much more.   Some days I will want to be none of the above – and just be a typical mom with a typical child, doing typical things.  On those days I will know it’s o.k. to be angry, and to cry, and to lean on my family, friends, and church, for support.  Because after all, ---the most important thing I am, …..  is human. 

         I am unbreakable.

****

And on this day, and any other day I need to, I will read this as a reminder,  of just who it is,   I am………

I am Michelle and I live in vaccine-injury land because of the Jabberwocky called Pharma that feeds off of greed, fear, and dishonesty...

But you know what?

I believe in many more than six impossible things...

One of them being that Jabberwocky's can be slayed.

c. May 2000 By Michelle M. Guppy  –  inspired by Warrior  Mothers I have met on my journey - and dedicated to Warrior Mothers everywhere…….

Please contact MichelleMGuppy@yahoo.com for permission to forward or distribute or publish.