On being forged into a warrior mom

If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!

This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.

Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.

January 4, 2016

What Brandon taught me about Birthday's...

Happy Birthday Brandon! I wanted to take him out to dinner for his Birthday today..... Instead we went out yesterday on my birthday. It was such a beautiful day and he was doing good - so in our "Life with Autism, Seizures, and a side of Trauma" we've learned to not plan ahead, but to instead go for it in the right here and right now. So we did. We took advantage of a good day and he was my Birthday date yesterday instead of me being his Birthday date today! I think I got the better deal! Team Guppy has learned the hard way to take advantage of what the moment allows, because if we wait for another moment to do it, seizures will prevent it. I'm glad we went out on our adventure to the Nature Trails then dinner yesterday - because early this morning - on his 22nd Birthday - he had a seizure. Perhaps it was early enough in the morning that maybe he'll be up for going out later - but even if not, I'm so glad we went yesterday. I am so glad we took advantage of the moments we were given instead of waiting for the moments to come. I think that lesson is perhaps one of the greatest Brandon's life has taught me. To live in the moment. It is only this moment, right here, right now, that we have to do what we must do. To witness to who needs to hear about Jesus. To live to the fullest. This moment to make a difference. This moment to speak truth. This moment to not waste worrying what others think. This moment to choose who and what our priorities will be. This moment to not squander on any thing or any one not a priority. That one is a hard one for me. I squander too many moments on those who don't have even a moment to be a part of our lives. I give too many thoughts to people who do not ever give us a thought. And speaking of thoughts.... I've thought a lot these last few years about "Birthday's" and what I've felt the true "gift" in them should be. For me it's not people giving Birthday gifts to that person, it's that person giving a Birthday gift to God. The former creates a "me-centered" existence and I've seen enough how that plays out in most teenagers and then in most adults. "Gifts to me, it's my birthday, give me..." To me that creates a lifetime of thinking the world owes you something. It is in that where I find such thankfulness in Brandon's life with autism. We were never a part of the "bigger and better" Birthday parties. Gifts and gift bags and whose party was more lavish and how do we top last years lavish. We lived simply. No way in our chaos we could ever compete with anyone else, so we never even tried. My thinking has shifted to that yes, it's your Birthday. You are loved. You are a blessing. Now what gift are you giving God for another year of life? His Birthday gift to you was life, what gift to him will you give back each year in return? Even children can be taught to understand that concept. What will you promise to do better as you blow out those candles on the cake? How will you be a better person this year? Who will you help more this year? Who will you befriend who has no friends? What gift to someone who truly needs your Birthday gift of money, help, things, encouragement will you give this year? I thought about that a lot yesterday... and I think for me it's that squandering thing. I waste so much time pursuing things or people who really don't matter. Not that they aren't loved or really don't matter, but for these precious moments I have so few of, I need to let God go after the one and me worry about the 99 right here in front of me. I worry too much what others think and let their lies and confusion muddle my world. Less of me and more of you God. Less of them and more of your word.
That is my Birthday gift to you, God. Thank you, --thank you for the gift of my life. I vow to use it to the fullest to bring you Glory. I want to give gifts to others. Inspirations and encouragements to people so they may know you, follow you. That it's you whom the gift of HOPEISM flows from, not me. That it's you who gives the strength of NDCQ, not me. Brandon's Birthday gift to God is how he draws me closer to Him. I can't think of any better Birthday celebration than that. Not healing, not even if Brandon's Birthday had been seizure free. Nothing.
Ok, well maybe..........