On being forged into a warrior mom
If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!
This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.
Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.
March 4, 2014
The latest show I've been recording to watch, is Lark Rise to Candleford. I watched an episode last night, Sunday night, the eve of the Lenten Season. Though I don't claim any particular religion, I do love the meaning of Lent. The focus on the Lord. A time to truly make Jesus' journey to the cross, to death, and resurrection, the center of my thoughts.
The drama of that show centers around the Post Office. They were to have an annual inspection by the Inspector General. In doing the audit, it was found that when a directive was sent out to have Sunday hours, they were not in compliance. When asked about it, the Post Master said that their carrier was a devout Christian and did not wish to work on Sunday. They were told they must do those hours on Sunday or be reprimanded and the person who refused replaced by someone who would.
As it turns out, that next Sunday, the devout Christian postal carrier had been asked to deliver the sermon at his church. He was so excited about the opportunity! But now he was faced with having to choose between two masters: his work, and his God. Sunday morning came and found the man sitting in the Post Office in his postal carrier uniform in obvious distress. In agonizing over what to do, fear had won. He was at work. The church members in church a few blocks away shifted in their seats as it was 10:10am, and there was no one in the pulpit to deliver the sermon. Then suddenly the doors of the church opened, and in walked that carrier wearing his Sunday best. Complete with the stress and sweat of the decision he had made.
He would serve his God no matter what the cost.
He nervously spoke to the congregation these words:
.....six days you shall labor, but the seventh day is a Holy Day. A man cannot claim to serve God unless he overcomes all of his petty fears and selfish desires. I copy these sentiments from the book. The book I do love. But what are those fears... Don't feel petty, now, here, today or then. What if a mans desire is to do his work, take his rest, and then use that day to do whatever he chooses. I choose this place. But I know that I go about preaching about devotion and sacrifice, but perhaps God saw fit to put me to the test. But my heart tells me that I have failed. My courage snapped in the night and I couldn't put it back together. But I stand here now because I want my devotion back. If we believe then we must live by that belief no matter what the cost. Today, is the Sabbath Day, and what I see before me is your faith. You give me strength. And I thank you.
Those words were what I needed to hear as I begin my own Lent focus. In a way I feel like that postal carrier. I feel like I've been put to a test. Who will I serve daily? Autism's fears or God's faithfulness? I feel like in some ways I have failed that test. Some days the disappointments overshadowed my faith. Many days they did. Not just autism's trials, but life's as well. But his words, "If we believe, then we must live by that belief no matter what the cost" remind me that I must do a better job of conquering those petty fears that bombard me daily and those selfish desires where all things happen as I feel they should, not as God has purposed or planned.
No one knows more about "no matter the cost" than Jesus. 40 days of fasting in the garden. Taunted. Tempted. Tired. His journey even harder. Belittled. Betrayed. Beaten.
He certainly served his God no matter the cost.
And for him, the cost was his very life.
I stand here now on this first day of Lent, much like that postal carrier, wanting my devotion back. I am tired of anguishing over things that disappoint. Anguishing over things I fear that will once again disappoint! I do not want my courage to snap in the face of all the trials I must face. I want to live by HOPEISM and Never Quit no matter what more it may cost when I feel that I've already given all I have. The one I choose to serve, who will provide for all other needs. He will sustain.
I'm glad I stumbled upon that show. Glad I watched that episode on the night I did. And I'm glad for this new opportunity that this new season of Lent brings. For a new journey. A new beginning. A new series.....
To Rise again and again and again with HOPEISM.
Like that mail carrier, we all have a choice to make.
Each and every day we wake up, we choose to defeat, or be defeated.
I choose to serve God.
I choose HOPEISM.
I choose to be Happy.
I choose to live Joyfully.
I choose to follow Christ.
(and of course, I choose to wear Camo!)
I choose NDCQ!
Life with Autism is a hard journey. An isolating one. A humbling one. One filled with more tears of sorrow than tears of joy. But it's a blessed one. It's a meaningful one. A purposeful one. And because it is orchestrated by the most loving one, I know above all that it will be a fair one. Even on the days like today where it seems oh so very unfair.
Like that postal carrier, above all what I know and see about this journey is the thankfulness that it is not a lonely one. Before me is a community of warriors, friends, and prayer partners. Each of you give me strength. And I thank you.