On being forged into a warrior mom

If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!

This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.

Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.

January 26, 2017

Of being betrayed & abandoned on the battlefield...

One week.

As of this writing, that is all the time I have left before the ground once again falls out from under our feet.

The first time it fell out from under our feet was when we received the diagnosis of autism in our son.  The second time was when we realized that it was the vaccines we so diligently gave him on time, every time, that caused that 'autism' he was diagnosed with.  There have been countless times since then that the ground has fallen from under our feet.

  Countless times.

But for this time, this day, the third insurance plan we pay for has just denied authorization for my vaccine-injured son to attend his therapy center.

We have medicaid - it will not pay.

We have private insurance - it will not pay.

We have an Obama-care type plan - it will not pay.

We pay taxes, have money taken out of our paycheck for insurance through my husbands employment, and write an additional check on top of all that.  Three different opportunities to have our sons vaccine injury expenses covered, yet none of them will.

Allow me to stop for a moment and explain the enormity of that for me, and for so many like me...

All we did, was what we were told we should do. We were told "vaccines save lives" and that we needed to vaccinate our children for them to be "healthy" and avoid those "deadly diseases" that would surely kill them or render them maimed for life.  We did what we were told to do, and mandated to do, and our children ended up dead or maimed for life because of the vaccines.  Not because of anything they were vaccinated against, but because of the vaccines they were given.

Can you even comprehend the enormity of that?

I live it, and I can't fully.

The center graciously allowed us to continue attending there through the end of this month. I mean, if I already owe a couple thousand dollars for the time he's already been there this month, what's a few more hundred to just go ahead and finish out the month?

I am sure many are thinking that it's no big deal, that there are other places we could go, and why do we need to be going to a place that we can't afford without insurance?  Simple answer is this: there are no other places and the ones that are there that we could afford, we would rather die than send our children, our adults there.  The level of vaccine injury has necessitated many of our children to receive 1:1 care, assistance, and supervision.  There are simply not enough qualified, competent, affordable places that even remotely fit that bill. The places that are there, to care for and continue to teach our children and help them live as independent a life as possible - are expensive.  Too expensive for most of us to afford or sustain as we come close to retirement ourselves.  Our children are severely injured and they aren't the quick fix that insurance demands they be.  It takes ongoing therapy which is expensive.  Ongoing treatment which is expensive.  Insurance knows that, and that is why they deny services.

Hundreds, if not thousands of parents will be like me when their children are over 21 and they realize there is no where for them to go after public school services end.  Hundreds, if not thousands of parents will be just as devastated as I am today when insurance figures out that our children will need services for life and calculates how much ongoing therapy and services cost and deny the claims.  They, like me, will have the ground fall out from under them yet again.

Parents of children, youth, and adults with autism have been proven by studies to have stress levels equal to that of combat soldiers and are appropriately called "warrior parents." Warrior parents who have been thrust upon a battlefield ill-prepared and ill-equipped to fight a war they did not sign up for, yet who have fought those battles as fiercely and valiantly as possible.  Yet unlike active duty soldiers, we have been left behind on that battlefield.  No one even notices we are gone.  Those who do are the ones who left us there.  They are merely waiting for us to die so we get out of their hair and off their conscience.  Our children "took one for the herd" and have been left dead or dying on that battlefield ever since.  No one in any administration has even thought enough of us to even see that, care about that, or do anything about that.

An entire generation has been left behind.

As the warriors we are, I will take this day after I received that sucker-punch and I will catch my breath and then I will fight that denial with all that is left in me.  But as I sit here and think about how this writing will end with "to be continued" as I await a no-doubt lengthy appeal process, I can't help but think who will be there to continue it after I am gone?  This issue is but one in a vast battalion of issues we must face and fight each and every day...medical treatment, insurance, education, societal discrimination, financial devastation, state services, life after public school, day programs, respite, housing opportunities, and on and on and on...


When will a President finally look out upon this generation of children, adults, and their families scattered about the vaccine injury battlefield and notice us, send reinforcements for us, rescue us?  When will they promise us that we will no longer be left behind on that battlefield bruised, broken, and bleeding?

I sit here at an age where I should be enjoying empty nest.  I should finally be able to go, be, do all that I couldn't all those year that I was busy raising my children.  I should be planning my next girlfriend getaway (who am I kidding, all my girlfriends are in the same boat as me!) but instead as the realization that my son will have no where to go during the day sinks in - I'm trying to figure out how I can even go to the grocery store. Our tag team marriage will now be tag team shifts.  When my husband comes home, I will leave to go do what I need to do.  Even less time to be together than we had before.  More insult to injury.

Each election, we hope, we pray, and we force ourselves to believe that finally someone will see what greed, corruption, and lies have done to our children, to their parents who must forever pick up and try to put back together the pieces vaccines broke, - and think that for once the vaccine industry will be forced to pay for the damages their vaccines caused.

But that hasn't been the case.

The Pharmaceutical/Vaccine industry gets richer and richer because they don't have to pay for their damages, and parents like me get poorer and poorer because we have no choice but to pay for them.  No one else who should, is.

We didn't do anything wrong except trust that the government who gave their word that "vaccines are safe" and that we must vaccinate to "protect the herd" would be there for us if something went wrong.  Would be there to help our children.

We were wrong, and my words of warning to all parents out there is this...

With each continued vaccine injection, comes the very real possibility of a tremendous rejection of treatment, services, insurance coverage, and opportunities for your child as you are forced to fully realize the implication of that "immunization" you allowed.  And unlike the Navy SEAL motto of "The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday" - for you as the parent of a severely vaccine injured child, there will be no easy days.

It is only January and I am already overwhelmed.

This is yet another story to be continued as I wait for a person with a bunch of initials after their name in some insurance company who is sitting behind a desk making a decision about whether or not my son is worthy of receiving the therapy that will help him after it was our very own government hurt him.

I'm not sure whether to laugh, cry, or scream at that.

Dear Mr. President, if you could get started on that vaccine safety commission and help for the vaccine-injured and their families now, that'd be great.


Michelle M. Guppy

...who was a day late in learning the truth about vaccines and who is a dollar short of being able to fund the lifelong help my son now needs.

January 20, 2017

Vaccines: All the Risks, None of the Benefits

I was honored that my submission was included in the Narrative Inquiry in Bioethics published by Johns Hopkins University Press.

My submission is shared in full below, but most importantly, Ginger Taylor's submission can be read by clicking here...  Ginger Taylor is a powerhouse of truth, and a voice of authority on vaccine injury.  Please read her submission and share it with everyone.

~ ~ ~

NARRATIVE SYMPOSIUM Vaccines: All the Risks, None of the Benefits

Michelle M Guppy 

Narrative Inquiry in Bioethics Call for Stories:

To Vaccinate or Not? Parents’ Stories—

“Regrets from a Recovering Pro-Vaxxer” is my “to vaccinate or not” story.

You asked for true, personal stories from parents about making vaccination decisions for their children. I guess where my story begins is at that time, as a young mother in the 90’s, it really wasn’t a decision to make. I didn’t know there was anything I needed to further research to decide regarding vaccination. I did not have any reason to question vaccines. “Vaccination” was a non-issue in that I never read or heard from anyone anything about vaccination, pro, con, or otherwise.

All I knew was what my Pediatrician told me, and even then, it was not what I know today as “informed consent”—it was more, “you are at so and so visit (2, 4, 6 month, etc.) and here is what your baby will be getting, sign this . . .” That was all I knew of vaccination. It wasn’t a “decision” it was something you just did. I didn’t know about any adverse reactions other than the benign things listed on the consent form the office gave me. A form that I now know was vastly different than the “informed consent” form that is wrapped around the vaccine vial that the manufacturer must include by law, but that parents like me never saw, or knew to ask to see. I didn’t know about the vaccine ingredients (they weren’t listed on their form) and I certainly didn’t know the odds of my son getting what I was vaccinating against vs. the incredible odds of him having a chronic, debilitating, life altering and life–long adverse vaccine reaction.

Perhaps most horrifically, I didn’t know that not once in the United States were vaccines studied done to show outcomes in vaccinated vs. unvaccinated children to answer the question, “Who is healthier?”—that would have been good to have had on the consent forms. I further didn’t know that vaccines were never studied when given in combination as my sons were. I didn’t know that vaccines were not tested against a true placebo as every other drug is required to be. I didn’t know that no one but me would be responsible for any and all adverse vaccine reactions. I didn’t know the contraindications of vaccines. I didn’t know the scope of what vaccine reactions were. So very much was left off that “consent” form! I essentially didn’t know anything about vaccinations when I “decided” to have my son vaccinated! Knowing what I know now, in having an adult son severely injured by adverse vaccine reactions, I would never recommend anyone to vaccinate their child. Knowing what I know now, if I could go back and do it all again, I would never, ever vaccinate my children.

Those who make, mandate, and profit from vaccination have severe conflicts of interest and anything they share or assure regarding vaccines fall on deaf ears of those who know better, those who have since done their own independent research. I would rather take my chances on acute, benign, fully recoverable typical childhood illnesses that strengthen the immune system, over the chronic, lifelong, debilitating disorders that have weakened my son for life. Where once he could say words, smile, interact—he now cannot read, write, or speak and will need 1:1 assistance and lifelong care. All to prevent a weak case of: chicken pox? Measles? The flu? Vaccine policy is not about health; it is about profit and convenience. It would be easier to not be inconvenienced by missed school or missed work— so instead many have bought into the lie of artificial immunity—that is anything but “immunity”. I can speak with authority as a parent on this because I have lived both sides. Between my husband and I, we have had chicken pox, measles, and mumps. We are in our 50’s, healthy, and are on no medication. We had a total of five vaccines in our life. My son who has had the recommended dozens, is sick with seizures, autoimmune disease, mitochondrial dysfunction, gastrointestinal disease, allergies, and on no less than 10–15 medications and supplements just to keep him alive. I am pressured each time I go to the doctor’s office for vaccine upon vaccine, for my vaccine–injured son.

It is oppressive what parents are forced or bribed or threatened into doing with vaccination. It is a constant fear for me. There is no way I will ever consent to any further vaccination for my son, yet I feel one day there won’t be a choice and my already vaccine–injured son will be further injured with no recourse. It is not so much what I wish those who disagree with me should know about my views on vaccination—it is that they need to live a day in the life of my son who must now live with severe vaccine injury. Watch him have leaky gut episode after episode. Watch his lips turn blue from yet another seizure. Ride with me in the ambulance as we rush to the emergency room for x–rays from yet another broken bone from yet another seizure. See the pictures of who he was and imagine the future he had before vaccines and then change his adult diaper—this is who he became after vaccine reactions, which is someone who never played little league t–ball. Someone who never played cowboys and Indians with his friends. Someone who never had a crush on a girl, a date to the prom, a first kiss. Someone who will never drive a car. Someone who will never provide us with empty nest, a daughter-in-law, or grandchildren.

 I could provide independent proof upon proof of how unsafe and unsound vaccines are. But more than that, I wanted to convey those things that can’t be quantified in the cost of vaccine policy. The loss of milestones. All for the possibility of maybe avoiding chicken pox? I think what would help resolve the controversy is sharing those things like our story that you never hear on the news, in research journals. Stories that www.vaxxed.com are sharing from parents all across America. Hundreds and thousands of stories from parents who watched their children become maimed for life by adverse vaccine reactions. The “RIP” stories of those who have lost their babies after vaccination and have had it called “SIDS” when in fact, it was not SIDS, it was “vaccine injury” from being given multiple vaccines containing multiple neurotoxins at once. Countless stories of how lives have been maimed all for the sake of preventing a possible outbreak that would be benign at best. How many in any of those outbreaks in the last decade have died vs. how many vaccinated for that illness have died? The reality of that is sobering. Sickening for those who care to truly grasp it and not just profit from it.

For me, and what I’ve seen in how my sons life, and ours, was forever altered, it’s just not worth it. I would beg of any parent to believe the thousands of us on that. It isn’t worth it. The risk is too great. That is the decision you must make with the information and truth available today. Is vaccination worth it? My answer is a resounding no. Especially in light of how most outbreaks today began with a fully vaccinated individual or one shedding the live virus from being recently vaccinated. The vaccine policy has been weighed and measured with our son, and we have come to the overwhelming conclusion that with vaccination you get all of the risk and none of the intended benefit.

We will never, ever vaccinate again.

Narrative Inquiry in Bioethics Volume 6.3 (2016) E1-E8
c 2016 by Johns Hopkins University Press