On Valentine's Day, thanks to the volunteers in our church - and to Tonya, the Respite Coordinator for the Disability Ministry, -- my husband and I were able to go out to dinner on Valentine's Day!
Yes, write that down in the blank date book for us as a married couple.... probably the first time in years we've actually been able to go out like "normal" people do on Valentine's Day...
But as nice as that was, I wouldn't say it demonstrated to me what Valentine's Day is supposed to be at all...
In my "work" as a self-proclaimed "autism operator" - I get alot of e-mails from alot of people. Many hate Valentine's Day... they've lost a loved one, they are single, been hurt, etc. I read those e-mails and I can't help but think they have it so wrong....
Valentine's Day is not about a card, a rose, candy, or a gift.
It's not even about smudgy hearts painted by sweet children to their mommy, or a special dinner with your sweetie....
It's not about the love that once was, but is no more. It's not about love longing to be found.
It's about the love that IS always, and about the only kind of love that never leaves you longing....
God's unconditional love.
Before I had Brandon - and autism.... I didn't know that difference.
But now I do....
I see it in the good, the bad, and even the ugly - of autism.
It is about being able to rejoice in the good...no, about shouting Hallelujah for the great! It's about knowing that Jesus suffered worse, when everything about autism seems bad... and it's about God's unconditional love that gives hope despite all the ugliness the press, the paid-off physicians, or the pharmaceutical psycho's in the world can bring...
Valentine's Day to me is about celebrating all those things about God's unconditional love that my son brings out!
That unconditional love that wakes us up every morning and motivates us to march on!
It's that unconditional love that's somehow ingrained in us to not quit despite perhaps not seeing immediate results, let alone the fiinish line.
That unconditional love that tells us that autism never quits or gives up, so neither should we! And that somehow sustains us so we can go on and not ever, ever quit, despite how heavy the cross on that journey sometimes becomes...
That unconditional love that is from out of this world, because no worldly love could ever compete. People fail, not love. Relationships get broken, but not love. Dinner and a date-night lasts momentarily, but unconditional love lasts forever. Flowers die, but unconditional love never will.
When as a mom I can give my son more love than I could have ever imagined deserving myself, and not been heartbroken because that love is not returned by voice or deed or gift, --- that is when you know what unconditional love truly is.
When you can think for a whole day like I did - on what love really is and then always come back to that answer in a child that by worldly standards is not love because he can't communicate it or show it, - let alone comprehend what it is ---- then; - you know what love is.
That is when you know you've found God's unconditional love, and not the world's commercial love.
And how can you not rejoice in that kind of love - on a day about love?
The kind of love that is so alien to all we are taught about love.
We are taught that popularity, money, status, gifts, perfection, - is love.
But yet I've been around all those things and have never felt loved.
We're even unknowingly taught that if you don't have a Valentine, or didn't get a dozen roses; you must not be loved....
I've even recently joined Facebook and fell victim to thinking that the more 'friends' I had, the more love I had!
That lie is the only thing to feel sad about on Valentine's Day...
The belated Valentine blessing...
The only times I've ever felt true unconditional love, God's kind of unconditional love, is when I've been with my son and his friends at the disability ministry of our church. And not because I was better than them... but rather because when I'm with them, I feel accepted. I can sing with them because they don't care if I can't carry a tune. They don't care that I've worn the same jeans to church for the last year. They don't care if I've failied, been fired, or have freckles. None of those things matter to them!
Oh - what a world of love we would all live in if we all understood that simple concept that society's "least of these" shame the most intelligent of us with!
Sunday at church, the sermon was closed by the JOY Disciples class (adults with disabilities from area group homes) singing Amazing Grace.
A congregation of "normal" people anxious to get home or to Luby's for lunch - were asked to hang around longer so the JOY Disciples could come in and sing...
That - was love in the flesh if love were to have flesh as Jesus did while on earth.
The individual imperfection - collectively perfect.
So many times we "perfect" ones limit what we can do and we have no barriers to overcome to even do it... but yet we make our excuses.... and what's worse, we believe them....
But here, Sunday morning were 40 some adults with disabilities - pledging to win a million hearts for Christ. A woman with Down's Syndrome was leading them in sign language. There were those in wheelchairs, those who couldn't see, those who couldn't do many things...
But they did the one thing they can all do perfectly...
Love.
You could hear it in the passion in their voice, and you could see it in the sparkle that burst through their souls.
Unconditional love.
Truly, the only kind of love behind that amazing grace that saved a wretch like me.
It's not surprising that for me, it took my son with autism to teach me about what God's unconditional love is. How you could love someone so deeply and so purely, getting so little in return, and not ever feel burdened or tired of giving it!
We are God's autism.
He loves us do deeply and so unconditionally, and yet we don't even realize it - and many just push that love away like my son does to me sometimes, ok many times, when I come at his sweet cheek with puckered lips.
But, I guess it shouldn't be that surprising because it wouldn't be the first time God used a child, or the least of these, to show the world what love is ......
Thank you God.... for Brandon....
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