On being forged into a warrior mom
If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!
This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.
Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.
October 18, 2013
Let us run with perseverance...
It always amuses me because of how they so symbolize our "Life with Autism" and how so very much has changed since our life became one with autism in it. I'm haunted by all the negative that autism has brought to our home... Isolation, Challenges, Financial issues, trying to find medical care, let alone proper, adequate, or exceptional medical care. Just medical care appropriate for autism. The list of those negative things could go on and on. Autism is that all-encompassing. At least our kind of autism is.
But Todd's shoes make me think of the positives "Life with Autism" has brought to our lives. They make me smile. (Ok, once I quit growling from the trail of mud from the front door to the garage.) Smile thinking of where Todd and I would now be if in autism-free yuppiness. Two careers, two incomes, valuing things over people. We would never have owned muddy shoes. We would never have a dirty house. We would be able to afford maids to clean our house and personal trainers to come to our house and heck, work out for us while we sit by the pool and sip our spirits. Gah. I just have to laugh at who we would have become had it not been for autism.
Since we do now have life with autism, we are deeper. We no longer value the accumulation things, we value relationships with people. We love dearly our community of friends who have helped us through our Life with Autism. The prayer partners in our church who have prayed us through our darkest of times of that life with autism. The few family members who perhaps still have no clue what our Life with Autism is really like, but who stay connected with us in some way -- making us feel less isolated. We are one income yet have been richly blessed by understanding the true value of money and the true definition of need, versus the shallowness of wants. We have a non white-glove Martha Stewart house. It's tidy, but we have cobwebs. At any given time one can see dust on our ceiling fan blades. My wood stairwell banister has Brandon's teethmarks all down the top of it. Our kitchen ceiling has splotches of dried smooshed fruit and applesauce from our never ending supplement taking wars where Brandon most usually wins and the spoils of that victory get splattered on the ceiling. The white ceiling. Pretty soon I'll be able to pull off how we are the latest in home decor by having a polka-dot paint job on our ceiling.
Even our clothes reflect our Life with Autism. I like to think my wardrobe would be vastly different had it not been for autism. I'd be a properly dressed woman, wife, mother, Christian. Now, my wardrobe reflects the Warrior Mom of Autism I must be. I wear mostly Camo & Combat Boots. Spend just one day in the life of someone who lives with true autism, not the commercial or celebrity autism, and you will see why. I can't speak for everyone, but for me "Good Housekeeping" has been replaced with medical journals and research abstracts. That changes you. It has changed me. It has changed my husband and I. To survive autism in our lives, in our marriage, we've had to adopt the mental attitude of a soldier in combat. From dressing like one to training like one. Which is where the picture of Todd's boots comes in. You'd think we have enough crazy in our life with just autism. But that's another way autism has changed us. When we get to "have fun" or go on vacation, or even workout -- we do it running a hundred miles an hour with our hair on fire. Or as Todd does, with combat boots late at night in full Camo running through the woods, though the muddy drainage ditches, being at times stalked and hunted by suburban wildlife. In the rain. Oh, that's how we know God truly loves us, when we can do those things we love to do -- running in the woods at night for Todd, walking the Nature Trails for me during the day -- in the rain. In the pouring, drenching, soaking rain.
What joys we would have missed if not for "Life with Autism."
And perhaps the best way autism has changed us, is in understanding that to thrive, we've had to add humor to all of that.
Lots and lots and lots of humor.
"And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...."
Lace up yer shoes ---life's gonna be muddy at times but you just gotta put on your Camo & Combat Boots and run right through it!