On being forged into a warrior mom

If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!

This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.

Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.

December 3, 2010

The Gift of Peace

(originally written in 2004)

I want to share a very personal story about an answer to a prayer about what my son thinks; and about what that taught me about how to find peace….
I especially want to share about  finding peace;  --- because especially at this time of year,  many people are frantically looking for it as they dash from mall to mall and party to party.  Peace seems to be everywhere – it’s on just about every Christmas card I have received, and in just about every Christmas song I have heard.  In my Bible – there are dozens and dozens of references and scriptures on peace!  So even though peace seems to be everywhere around me – I have often found it to be just out of my reach.  Especially since my life is sometimes anything but peaceful! 

Many hundreds of times over the last several years when I have seen Brandon stare up at the sky, I would secretly wonder how he could look so peaceful.  I would imagine that it’s because he is looking at Jesus or his Guardian Angels – (of which I’m sure he must have many considering the predicaments I’ve found him in…).  I believed that he is truly seeing something or someone in the heavens that I cannot.  While I may have God’s telephone number and can call him ANYTIME,  I believe Brandon has his direct line and talks to him ALL the time.   

That’s probably why he looks peaceful.  I have no doubt about that.

I also have no doubt that the things I have written that have found their way in books and magazines over the years, - have been inspired by God through Brandon.  The words  are my interpretations of my son’s silent world and how he has impacted my thoughts, my beliefs, and my life.  In essence – I use my words to speak for his silence….

But there has always been something missing…. 

I want to know Brandon’s words.  Brandon’s thoughts, Brandon’s feelings, ….  I want to know how Brandon views the world from his standpoint.  I have prayed about that more over the last several years than anything else.  “What does Brandon think about?”  “What does he see?”  “Does he know God?”  Of course I know from the miracles I’ve seen in his life and how he has impacted mine and others – that God IS a part of Brandon’s life and that in his own way he does at least feel God and see God.  But still the question…. “What are his thoughts of God?”    

“What does God say to him?”

Well, God had mercy on me and my constant nagging to him about that….and gave me an early Christmas present this year.  He did that through introducing me to Marshall Ball a couple of months ago.  Every question about what my son’s relationship to God must be like was answered by reading Marshall’s writings as if God was explaining it to me himself.      

Who is Marshall Ball?  He is a child much like my own son in many ways.  He depends on others for his every need – he cannot write or speak.  Marshall’s story is one that will give you peace, no matter what situation you are in, no matter how young or old you are.   Whether you  are touched by disability or not.  Marshall has a connection with God that few can match – and from the age of 5 he has known that his purpose in life is to teach others about God’s love.

He does that with poetry.  Through a painstaking, tedious process described by his mother in the books.  Marshall mainly uses simple short words or sentences, but with such profound meaning.  He has complex thoughts, yet they sometimes come across so simple that they leave you wondering why you ever let anything stress you in the first place!

Simply put – God placed Marshall Ball’s books, “A Good Kiss,” and “Kiss of God,”  in my lap to answer the questions I often asked about my son’s thoughts and why he can be so peaceful despite his situations or limitations.  And by doing so, I have received the greatest Christmas present  - (aside from my savior and salvation)  – the gift of understanding the kind of peace my son knows that allows him to look to God in the heavens, listen for Him, and hear Him – despite what’s going on around or within him.  That’s the kind of peace I’ve needed for a long time!

Reading Marshall’s books, I learned that peace is not really a word, it’s rather a freedom.  It’s a place in your heart and mind;  it’s finding a new  perspective of life that allows you to be peaceful in the midst of turmoil; and most importantly,  it’s feeling, hearing, and listening to - God.   Peace is allowing yourself to be filled with the presence of God. Peace to me is what Marshall views as a “kiss” of God.  He uses the word “kiss” to describe thoughts of God and thoughts from God.  I’ve learned that the reason my son is so peaceful in the midst of what I would consider despair in not being able to do what most typical children do – is because he is filled with the peace of God by constant “kisses” from God.   

My child, like Marshall,  has pain, frustration, and fears – but he also has the freedom to put those things into perspective and not let them rule his life.  His body may have limitations – but his mind does not.  He is therefore free to be filled with the presence of God, and to feel the peace from God.    Many of us would be wise to grasp that….  To me  that is the essence of peace.  You can’t go find peace, and it’s not a place you come to in life where you automatically get it.  In order to have peace,  you have to change your perspective and free your mind of any limitations or barriers,  so that you can allow the presence of peace to fill you.  Anytime, anywhere…   

In any circumstance.

Marshall knows that well…   

He defines peace this way: 


The sweet angels take us to peace.

Never fear



The angels come.

By Marshall Ball - “A Good Kiss”

May the peace of Christmas be with you today, tomorrow, always...

By MichelleMGuppy@yahoo.com

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