On being forged into a warrior mom

If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!

This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.

Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.

February 2, 2010

Where dusk meets dawn.....

It's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake.

Finding myself joking about how God couldn't have given me two more opposite children if we wanted to. We're talking as far as the east is from the west.

Not two hours ago I was in the kitchen at 11pm as one came home from Firefighter cadet training listening to his stories of what he learned.

Not three hours ago I was listening to the sweet silence of the other as I tucked him in and made sure he was warm.

My boys...

One can't talk, the other can't be quiet!

Both beautiful in their own special way, both serving a different purpose in my life.

With one, my job is to further talent; with the other, to uncover potential.

If I were to have to choose which one more valuable, I couldn't.

It's hard enough just trying to balance the two.
To emotionally come to grips with how much one easily accomplishes daily, with how much the other struggles to overcome daily.

I often find myself asking God what I'm asking him right now in the middle of the night....


Where is that place of understanding from which I can draw strength from?
Wisdom from?

Where is that place where one child's endless ability to answer questions meet with the questions I seek answers for in the other child?

Where is that place where my days stress, failures, obstacles, and fears, -- fade into the stillness and perfectness of a clean unspoiled new moment that is neither past nor present?

That place where there is no more tiredness of the day before, and no tiring thoughts of the day to come.

It is here in my thoughts where God answers.

Saying to just thank him at the end of the day for the whirlwind of one son.

Saying to just not worry about how I will help the other one tomorrow.

Saying to just live right here, right now, in this moment that can be any moment of every day.

Saying to feel its peace it embraces me.

In this moment.

This midnight hour.

Where dusk meets dawn.

Where there is neither past nor present.

Where there is simply, - now.

Where God's comfort and calmness resides.

Where God's mercy awaits.

And where hope begins.


~ ~ ~

Written by Michelle M. Guppy
February 2, 2010
...as penned from my midnight prayer to God

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