On being forged into a warrior mom

If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!

This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.

Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.

June 20, 2014

The fabric of life...

  I have a whole notebook of letters I wrote to Matt when he was a baby.  I would be feeding him in the middle of the night, and with the other hand would jot down messages to him about what I was thinking in those moments.  My hopes for him, dreams for him, and simply expressing my deep Mother's love for him.  My little baby boy...

Now that he's an adult, starting when he was in Boot Camp, I've been writing letters to him...  Mostly what happened in the interim of those years was "Life with Autism" which stole any spare moments to keep up such a journal....  But once the crazy slowed down to a manageable chaotic pace, I resolved to pick up where I left off.  Still sharing the same things...but with more life meaning...not so much sharing with him my hopes and dreams for him, but rather sharing the faith I have in God's will for him, God's plan and purpose to prosper him, and simply how proud this Mother is of him.  Of the man he has become.  Though always still my little boy...

One of the things I desire to share with him through those letters, is how I pray he never totally abandons the boy in him that makes him who he is.  That fun-loving spirit.  That laughter.  That brightest of colors he has filled our home with. 

Like us, he has experienced some hardships...stress like few others his age because of having a younger brother who has autism and seizures.  I remember a few times he left for school in the morning as an ambulance was pulling up for his brother.  I remember a few other times when he was the one calling the ambulance for his brother.  Like us, he has experienced a season of great challenge.  Things out of his control, beyond our human understanding, and not fair at all.  He's experienced like we have, doing the best you can possibly do, and it not being good enough.  Like us, he's been through hell.

But through it all he has kept that smile.  That sense of humor that has helped Team Guppy survive the unsurvivable.  Laugh at the unlaughable.  Shake our head at the reality of the unthinkable.  Of all the things I love about this son, perhaps that is the greatest thing.  His indomitable resilience.  It's a priceless gift that few have either from total irrevocable insanity or a supernatural sanity.  I'm not sure which, though at times I think equal parts of both.


And so my son, I pray that as you grow older as an adult, you keep that ageless quality of laughter and at times downright silliness.  I pray you always do your best and be as serious and the situation calls for, but also, as in the movie Pretty Woman; I pray you are never to busy or too serious to take your shoes and socks off and enjoy the simple pleasures of walking through the grass barefoot.  I pray you are never too grown up to dress up at Halloween and that you don your scuba mask and scare your mother to death by rolling a bottle of firecrackers in her office.  I pray you always grab life by the tail like you did on the horse in that carousel and enjoy the ride while hanging on for dear life.  I pray that as you did in the Bamboo Forest in multiple attempts to climb the Bamboo stalks, you never quit in your pursuit of your dreams, no matter how many times you fall and must start over.  Because as you found out on the last try when you finally conquered them, the view of achievement is breathtaking and worth every repeated effort. 

And though I shake my head laughing in disbelief that you actually did this, I pray that you always have the courage as in the video clip below, to go against the flow in snow skiing in your Camo-speedo that your mother bought you.   And when people gawk or stare, you just smile that smile of yours and wave as you pass them by.

Because truly, if you retain that fiber of your being in the fabric of what makes you who you are in this life, no matter how ragged and worn it gets by life, you will truly pass them by...... 

You will have achieved what few others do in this life....


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