On being forged into a warrior mom
If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!
This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.
Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.
September 23, 2013
Hold unswervingly. I really like those two words. One of the most often asked questions I get in e-mails from parents when they find out how old my son who has autism is, and how much we've been through, -- is "How do you stay positive? How have you coped so long?" By holding unswervingly to the HOPEISM I believe in and profess because he who promised is faithful. That verse, Hebrews 10:23 is my HOPEISM, it's the NDCQ I live by. It promises that God will meet my needs if I stay the course and persevere. It doesn't promise that it will be easy. It doesn't promise fast results. It simply promises that if I hold unswervingly to hope, he who promised will be faithful.
Do I get tired of waiting for those promises? You bet. I am tired. I am weary. I am simply worn out from life with autism. But I don't see any other option than to hold unswervingly. It was really interesting to me to hear our Pastor share how Noah waited 120 years for the flood to finally come. He was preparing, building, waiting, for 120 years. With my son, I've been praying, waiting, advocating, fighting, caring, sharing, appealing, writing, researching, treating, going broke, - for seventeen years which at times has seemed like a lifetime. Until I heard about that 120 years! Noah could have given up, but he didn't. He held unswervingly. When Jesus was in the desert sweating blood, knowing what was to come, he could have given up, but he didn't. He held unswervingly.
My Brandon... I just can't comprehend the things he has felt these past seventeen years. Pain, frustration, fear, sadness, confusion. Yet he never quit. No matter what he's been through, he is still happy. He has yet to let those things defeat him. When he feels pain, he gets frustrated, but then in the next moment we get a rare Kodak moment of a smile. Me, when someone doesn't answer an e-mail or I feel betrayed by something or someone, I brood about it for hours or days. But not Brandon. He has no choice but to hold unswervingly whether he knows what that means or not. He can't quit his autism, which is why I won't ever quit helping him overcome it.
When I'm tired, I will hold unswervingly.
When I'm frustrated by lack of progress, I will hold unswervingly.
When I'm heartbroken by seizures, I will hold unswervingly.
Through fear of the future, I will hold unswervingly.
Through obstacles, advocacy, challenges, and disappointments, I will hold unswervingly.
When my prayers aren't answered in the way or in the timing that I want them to be, I will hold unswervingly.
I will simply hold unswervingly to HOPEISM.
I liked the next few verses from the above scripture as well, which said, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another -- and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
As it applies to "Life with Autism" -- let us also hold unswervingly to one another as we spur each other on in our autism advocacy. Let us never quit going to each other for fellowship and friendship. Let us encourage one another -- and all the more as we see the day of reckoning of what was done to our children approach!
To holding unswervingly!