On being forged into a warrior mom
If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!
This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.
Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.
May 15, 2012
The Joy Box...
Got the concept from one of my favorite Christian authors of all time -- Barbara Johnson. I suppose my motto is from her life --- Choosing Happy, Living Joyfully, Following Christ, and for me, -- Wearing Camo.
She's been through some STUFF in life, but like one of my new motto's -- she "Made her Mess her Ministry". As part of that ministry, she kept a "Joy box" of things that when life got her down, she would go to that and look through each sentimental picture, thing, or saying, to cheer her up. I have a "Joy file" as well as a "Joy box" -- I've saved e-mails of thanks from folks about my writings, quotes from people, etc. Things to encourage me or make me laugh when I need to.
I guess this evening I found myself dreading taking Brandon to the doctor tomorrow because of his shoulder. It just keeps popping and crackling and my stomach churns each time I hear it. I hate being a "the glass is half empty" person in situations like that, but I've got a good record going, in how the glass is indeed half empty when it comes to our track record in such doctor visit matters.
And of course, misery loves company, so I thought about how I was missing my son Matt as well. How we are back to "Boot Camp" days of little to no communication. (Anything less than a Skype a day, a call a day, and a dozen texts a day, in this mamma's book translates to "little to no communication.)
So I found myself digging through my "Joy box" and I came across Brandon's t-shirt I had put in there long ago...
Not only has he grown since that toddler-sized t-shirt -- but he's changed. I've changed. Our family has changed. And yes, because of all those changes in us, the world of autism we live in has not only been unlocked, but changed. We may always have some difficulties, but in just looking back at that t-shirt and how autism affected the newly diagnosed boy who wore it at that time, compared to the young man of now, -- oh my --- how.he.has.changed.
Some things however, ahem Matthew, - don't change! Ha ha ha....
I actually had to resort to my "Joy file" of humorous quotes to get me over missing my Matt. I came across this one:
“Cheer Up the worst is yet to come!”
― Barbara Johnson
I think I put that in there during a particularly "high volume call period" from the AP at his High School to me at home. I think that might have been the time the track coach asked if he could have free reign to discipline Matt for driving to Sonic during practice, and when Matt felt he could just leave school to drive to Wal-Mart to get a poster board for his next class and have no one notice. (Which, the way he drives, I'm sure he indeed felt he could get there and back between classes!)
But much like that t-shirt of Brandon's -- that quote I put in there for Matt has proven true too! The worst kind of worrying for a parent is yet to come for us! Matt is now in a training program that will test him, and us, in every way possible. Oh, for those AP phone calls instead of dreading a phone call that he's injured or something!
Which is why a parent shouldn't worry in the first place. There's always going to be something worse to worry about, than the trivial thing you're worrying about right now! Ha ha ha....
I even have a quote in there for that situation:
“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense regardless of how it turns out. ”
― Barbara Johnson
That puts a lot of my worrying into perspective.
Assures me that there is purpose in all things.
My Joy box reminds me that sometimes when I think I'm not getting anywhere, I need to go back and be reminded of where I've been. But most of all, my Joy box reminds me to laugh, and to laugh deeply. Something Barbara Johnson's writings were all about. Using humor to cope.
She laughed deeply, as do I each time I read this very last note my beloved Grandpa ever left under my pillow. It was a tradition of his to when they left from a visit, leave a note to me under my pillow that I would find that night.
Ha ha ha, - sorry Grandpop, but as many things in my life that have changed for the better ---- "cutting down on my sassing" hasn't been one of them!
But then again that's probably what has allowed me to bring about the most change in the autism world we live in..........
To each of us having a Joy box full of joy, love, and laughter!
To changing the world we live in!