On being forged into a warrior mom

If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!

This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.

Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.

March 5, 2012

Amazing Grace

It's going to be feeble at best to put into the words this picture of my son Brandon I took in the van today.  Brandon has been so sick lately, has lost so much weight. This past weekend he was laying down more than he was standing up.  He's not eaten enough to keep a snail moving.

Yet today as we were driving back from the Pediatrician's office for a weight check, he just started smiling.



For us, pictures like this are rare.  In fact, so rare that I keep the originals in a safe, because they are that priceless to us.

But today, in those few moments the smiles were not rare. They showed me how Brandon lives his life -- smiling, even though those smiles don't always show.

We had the windows down in our tan minivan and he was enjoying the breeze coming through the car and the music was playing on the radio.

You would never know by this picture all that this young man goes through in a day, in his life, and perhaps the purpose of his smiles today were to remind me of how that's supposed to be in my own life.

I'm not supposed to be bummed out that he still isn't eating.
I'm not supposed to be bummed out that all the lab tests trying to figure out why he's so sick came back negative.
I'm not supposed to be bummed out that I have no clue what to test for or do next.

I'm simply supposed to enjoy these moments. This child. This life that despite its challenges, has purpose.

Perhaps that's why God sent those rays of light through the open windows like that, to highlight the kind of attitude we are to have in all things. 

How we are to Choose Happy. Live Joyfully. Follow Christ. (and wear Camo).

Not fifteen minutes after I snapped that picture, I had to once again pull over on a busy street with no shoulder because once again he was having a Grand Mal seizure while I was driving.

As I was holding his head waiting for the seizure to stop, and as I could hear the swoosh of the cars speeding around me last minute and just holding my breath hoping they wouldn't hit me, --- the song Amazing Grace came on the radio.

I could do nothing but smile.

I could be nothing but happy.

I could be nothing but joyful.

And so we sat there until I could get him settled and continue on home - and with the windows still down, sang that song for the both us.....

And marveled at just how amazing grace really is.

~ ~ ~ 

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