On being forged into a warrior mom
If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!
This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.
Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.
August 25, 2011
On inventing a sin scanner...
Yes, this is Michelle being her perhaps to some, not so humorous self. But it's how I cope with things. How I help sort them out in my mind. How I not go mad in dealing with the maddening.
So back to my sin scanner. I think all churches should have one. It would make things much easier on those who want to serve, who have served, then find they're asked not to serve anymore because of some "sin" that has been scanned by some obvious "not-ever-have-sinned" sinner themselves.
While I have to put my spin of humor on this story, it is based on a true story shared to me by the person this happened to. No, not gonna say who. And no, not gonna say what church. And no, not gonna entertain speculation about who was right or wrong. I'm just going to say this is one of the many issues that keep sinners hesitant to go to churches for fear of them being judged by their sin. Oh, we may say we accept them, but we make them wear a scarlet letter so we can identify them, the sinners, from us, the apparent non-sinners. Or them the "really bad" sinners, from us, the "not so bad" sinners.
This person is a Christian who has made mistakes. To that end there is no doubt. But I've not personally seen God's hierarchy of sin to know where their particular sin falls, and yet I know it's not anywhere close to child abuse or murder. What I would consider the big 'en's on that nonexistant list. Either way, this person went to a Ministry meeting for this particular gender and opened their heart about their sin. Fully exposed themselves. Fully shared their sin and how they struggle with it. Not for any other purpose but to seek support. Encouragement. Accountability in overcoming that. And what this person thought, to actually maybe start a support Ministry for this particular struggle for this particular gender. After all, surely they're not the only one. Above all, they're most certainly not.
What this person got, was asked not to serve where they were serving because someone took one sin - and immediately blew it out of proportion to sins it never had anything whatsoever to do with. No, this person didn't get continued encouragement for having the guts it took to stand in front of a bunch of people and admit their sin. They didn't get encouraged to serve elsewhere, just asked not to serve because of someone's rampant imagination.
Wow. Talk about being crushed by the very place crushed people are supposed to go to get uncrushed! To find unconditional love. To find acceptance of them as a person.
At first I was angry. Then just sad. Then I laughed. And began thinking about inventing my sin scanner for churches. It would be just like a metal detector or body scanner in an airport. When the doors of church open on Sunday, it would be right there for everyone to walk through. The church could have it programmed for their list of sins they won't allow or accept - and when that person walks through meeting that criteria, flashing red lights go off along with an alarm and the bouncers would descend upon them like Baptists at a pot luck and escort them out. I guess to perhaps come back another time when they are less a sinner. Or when sufficient time has passed for us to not be embarrassed by their sin. Who knows.
We would have one for each Ministry too, and the criteria of sins you can't have to serve in that Ministry would be programmed in. I mean really. Not everyone wears their sin on the outside, and not everyone would be honest on any pre-screening sin-questionairre. But we have to know... We have to scan those sins that folks keep hidden! You've looked at porno? Well of course that means you could be a child molester and so the sin scanner will sound so we don't let you work anywhere near children. You stole a piece of gum as a child? Well, then the sin scanner will go off anytime you enter the church office or want to be an usher passing the offering plate. You had an abortion as a young teen? Yep, we've programmed our sin scanner to detect that so that even though you are a forgiven Christian now, your past sin might still smear onto our youth. You're divorced or an unwed mother and want to sing in the choir? No, we've found that only married people can truly make a joyful noise unto the Lord. No matter that often the most heartfelt songs are written by the most broken or the purest melodies sung by the most unpure. I would want one for each Adult Sunday School leader as well. I mean really, I wouldn't want a lustful leader who has ever had the human reaction of thinking momentarily "He looks good in those jeans" -- teaching a class with my hottie husband in it. So yep, "lustful thinking" would be programmed in that sin scanner as well. Doesn't matter that you've not committed adultery, but it starts with a thought you know... I wouldn't want a youth leader teaching youth moral principles if they've had premarital sex themselves. And oh my the scandal if we had one as Deacons enter a deacon meeting and anything on that "deacon to not do or have done" list had actually been done!
Many may think I'm going overboard with this, but am I? Do we not see that everywhere we go? In churches we've been in?
I know I've felt it whether it was intended or not. And I know I've used my own sin scanner to judge others as well. Maybe I'll donate mine to the church. I don't want it anymore. My dad-blasted son has called me on that a time or two. How dare he trample on my own self-righteousness so!
Rest assured, I'm not saying that we should let convicted child molesters serve in the Children's Ministry. That's where policies of background checks for volunteers come in. Let's start with that basic tool in judging others to see where they're fit to serve, or not serve. But for bloomin onion's sake, let's not immediately judge those who haven't even committed a crime. I mean really, do we as a church want to be in the business of judging one's sin, or in this case, taking one sin and relating it in our mind, in our judgement of their sin, to a level of sin it never was nor ever would be?
And I wonder, when we do that -- when we "scan" people's sin and judge them based on that -- what blessing are we missing? Who better to form bonds with men who are struggling with men issues - then the very men who have had to deal with and overcome those issues? How many teens can benefit from one teen's past mistake of pregnancy, or dare we allow them to admit, -- abortion? Who better to teach honesty than a thief who has found truth?
I wonder who is leading our Churches, our Ministries, or Sunday School classes now, who would not make it past that sin scanner? I know I wouldn't. I'm probably considered too radical. So I guess I should save myself the humiliation and just not ever volunteer to serve. I might corrupt people. But I wonder, if all it took was one radical woman who was an atheist to get prayer out of schools, what could be accomplished for the kingdom if we had 10 radical women on fire for the Lord, in the church, leading other women in how to get radical and thus help get God back?
I wonder who would be left to serve in our churches if we had such a scanner?
Who could ever hope to go through one without setting off the alarm?
I know who....
The very people most often shut out of churches.
Those with disabilities.
And that makes me laugh even harder.