On being forged into a warrior mom

If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!

This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.

Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.

August 25, 2011

Layin 'em Down

Put the prayer request down and walk away.

That's more than a cliche' spin-off to me.  It's been a very real lesson lately. In trust. In hope. In faith. In everything that as a Christian we must have, but often fall short and don't.

In simply "layin 'em down" when it comes to giving my prayers to God.

The lyrics to the song by that name go like this:
Come down to the river
Come and let yourself in
Make good on a promise
To never hurt again
If you're lost and lonely
You're Broken down
Bring all of your troubles
Come lay 'em down

All you sinners
And the weak at heart
All you helpless
On the boulevards
Wherever you are now
Whatever evil you've found
Bring all of your troubles
And come lay 'em down

We're all tied to the same old failing
Finding shelter in things we know
We're all dirty like corrupted small towns
We'll bring our troubles
We'll bring our troubles
Lay 'em down

All you rich men
And the high above
All of those with and without love
All you burdened broken down
Bring all of your troubles
Come lay 'em down

Singing that song often as I do, it seems so simple.  Just lay em down.  Pour your heart out to God, tell him the situation you are in, trust in Him to answer as only He can.

But it's not that easy. It's hard. To open our heart in that way, to tell God what it is we need to happen, and then to just let go.  No, that would mean we have to totally trust.  Totally surrender.  Totally let go. And we are control freaks whether we admit it or not.  If I just hold on to that by a pinky, I'll still have some control.... If I just sorta believe it won't hurt as bad if the answer isn't what I hoped.

We do that. Oh, we go to Him and "Lay em Down" all right,  -- but we just don't ever walk away and "Leave 'em Be" or "Leave it to He".

We hold on as if our strength is greater than His and therefore don't let go.
We think we know better than He how we need the prayer to be answered and therefore don't totally trust.
We think surrender is a sign of weakness and therefore don't give God a chance to be in control of the situation.

We keep those thoughts and prayers to ourselves because we feel we'll be humiliated if we share the prayer request, it's not answered in the way we wanted, and then we're left feeling others think our faith wasn't great enough to warrant what we asked for, or our worth not high enough for answered prayer.

When really, it has nothing whatsoever to do with us.  Not totally at least.

It's about God.
It's about what will bring HIM Glory.
It's about what HIS plan is for us.

That's the hardest part.  I don't doubt God answers prayer. But I often doubt my ability to cope with that answer if it's not what I was expecting!

That's the lesson I'm learning lately.  Fully trusting.  Fully believing.  What it really, truly means to "Lay the Prayer request down and walk away..."  To not think about all the what if's...  To not doubt. Not debate. Not have a panic attack. To not hang on just in case...

To just give it to God and walk away.

Not walk.

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