On being forged into a warrior mom
If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!
This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.
Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.
July 27, 2011
Looking at the picture of him laying there in the PICU the morning after his surgery humbles me. I find myself using that word a lot... humble, humbles, humility.... I can't help but use that word when it comes to my son. My tasmanian devil. My hurricane. My roadrunner. My son.
And for this "Life with Autism" - in pictures... My Superman.
Just the day before he was in for neuro-surgery to implant a Vagal Nerve Stimulator to help control his seizures, or as we're hoping, to stop them. In August it will be a year of relentless seizures, in a decade of cycles of seizures. This surgery was our last ditch effort to help control or stop them. When I think of all that Todd and I have been through this last year, and how hard those seizures were for us, I'm even more amazed, and humbled, at all my son had to go through in that. It was he who was crashing down the stairs, crashing to the floor, crashing into walls, and then crashing in bed for days in recovery from the sheer exhaustion of the seizures. It was he who had to take all the medicine, not understand what was going on, and re-learn what the seizures took away. It was he who was taken out of the world he knew, home; and taken to a hospital for a reason he didn't understand, to be whisked away by people he did not know.
It is he who is Superman.
Yes, for the sheer strength he has, but more for the humbleness he is.
More for his vulnerability that makes those around him stronger.
Not so much for all he has overcome, but for all that he has endured.
In the quiet of that dark room I could do nothing but look at him and be amazed. Oh how I wish others could see my son as the superhero who has changed our lives faster than a speeding bullet. Who has rescued us from shallowness, selfishness, and most of all, ourselves. I wish instead of the meltdowns, the loudness, and the blank stare that is autism, others could see him as he is here in this picture. The Superman who sleeps peacefully. Innocently. Humbly.
The Superman who bounces back from everything that has ever happened to him, this surgery, as if it never happened to him.
This video below was taken of him on the way home from the hospital. Neuro-Surgery the day before, kept sedated all night, then on the way home after being dismissed the next day, the song "He Reigns" came on the radio. Watch as he dances in his way to that song. At around 36 seconds in the video, he does his "Happy Squeal" where he dips his head into his hands and does his happy face. I started crying when I listened to the words of the song at about the time he squealed with laughter....
And all the powers of darkness
Tremble at what they've just heard
'Cause all the powers of darkness
Can't drown out a single word
When all God's children sing out
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns
All God's people singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns
He who to the world knows the least, but yet in what matters in life, knows the most.
My son, my Superman.
Who in his weakness, has Spiritual strength.
Who in his silence, Praises God.
Who doesn't know darkness, yet defeats it.
Click here to watch video.
Thank you Dr. Curry and residents who took such great care of our Superman...