On being forged into a warrior mom
If I could summarize our journey from Hell to HOPEISM, it would be in my faith, which I call HOPEISM. It has been my weapon of choice to get me through each battle I have had to fight in my mission to win our war called life with autism and seizures. Vaccine injury to be more specific. It would also be in committing to heart, soul, & mind the words and motto's from Forged, NDCQ, the Lone Survivor, and Levi Lusko in his book, "Through the Eyes of a Lion." I will be forever grateful to the inspiration, encouragement, and mental fortitude found through all of them collectively. Because of that, I am not allowing this tragedy of vaccine injury that has come into our lives to be an obstacle to being used by God. I am instead turning it into an opportunity to be used like never before!
This blog is dedicated to Brandon. His life has been forged by difficulty, obstacles, & all too often because of seizures - pain, blood, broken teeth, & broken bones. Yet through all that he has shown such fortitude. The bravery, strength, & resilience of a true warrior. He taught me that having strength through adversity means that even if you lose every battle, like the Lone Survivor, you never quit fighting until you win the war. That in the words of "NDCQ," you keep "dreaming," keep "daring," & keep "doing." As Team Guppy has yet to be able to escape vaccine injury, we have no choice but to as Levi Lusko writes, "Run toward the Roar." God has indeed given us such incredible power in enduring such impossible pain.
Some days the HOPEISM in that simply takes my breath away.
March 1, 2016
I want to share with all of you a portion of our Team Guppy Christmas Letter (below) that we sent out this past year. Each year I try to find a way to sum up what we've learned through that year -- and this picture I saw this morning while scrolling through Facebook made me think of that again, in light of what Todd and I are going through in his unemployment.
I finally quit spontaneously crying at the enormity of it, but each morning when I wake up I must again face our reality and the vulnerability in that, and for a few moments just panic. I'm a control freak. I like my chaos controlled! And this chaos is so totally out of my control! Just when I think I can't get any further from my comfort zone, God redraws the boundaries and shows me I must.
Which is why I was drawn to this picture when I saw it.
In a way, (a very small way), I am thankful for these "evils" I have been forced to face because of how they have changed me. I have had to confront life with autism, seizures, the trauma those things have brought upon our son; ---and now, a side of unemployment. Through the course of our journey I have had to learn what true hardship is, and most importantly, what it's not. But slowly, begrudgingly, albeit at times kicking and screaming in protest, -- we got through it. Beaten, bruised, and scarred at times, but always we get through with a little help, prayers, encouragement, and now support from our warrior friends. The battle is both enlightening and empowering. It's odd to see it that way, but it's true. If we were to have gone through nothing of what we have been made to go through, we would be the very people we see, perhaps know, that we definitely don't want to be. That is the thankful part in all of this...in what we have learned, how we have grown. Our whole attitude changed in exactly what this picture says --- knowing we are confronting what most people refuse to acknowledge. The lies, corruption, and evil that brought us to this battlefield. Running toward the roar of our situation and not shying away from it. Staying the course when everything in us screams to turn back and quit.
I sit here humbled by it all. By the strength, courage, and determination of this warrior community we are a part of.
(With that said, I would very much like a season of boredom please.)
Through the Eyes of a Lion...
What has inspired us this year were truths found in that book by Levi Lusko...
It speaks of how we live with our heart set on heaven but our feet still here on earth, and how we must learn to navigate that space between promise and fulfillment. Jesus died on Friday, he rose on Sunday, in between is Saturday. Saturday --- where each of us must reside. The book is about how to keep going during those Saturdays where it seems that our "greatest endurance sport is disappointment."
We've certainly run that marathon this year.
Each day for us is an indescribable challenge. We must bear burdens few could ever fathom, the reality of that often taking our breath away. But as he points out in the book, "God always grants incredible power to those called to face impossible pain." and "Suffering isn't an obstacle to being used by God. It's an opportunity to be used like never before." I do believe that. I love his description of hope, which I call HOPEISM: "HOPEISM is a joyful anticipation. When you have hope, gale-force winds can blow and tsunami waves can smash into the hull of your life, but you are buoyed by the belief that the best is yet to come, that brighter days are ahead. HOPEISM quietly tells your heart that all is not lost, even as storms rage." He encourages us to "Run toward the Roar" meaning that most when they hear a lion roar they will run away. He encourages us to run toward that which is challenging - run toward our fear -- run toward our faith -- and NEVER QUIT. Turn your mess into a message. Your pain into a platform. Your trial into your testimony. The trash that has come into your life into triumph.
Together Todd & I savor each good moment and hang onto HOPEISM through the not so good ones.
We dream, dare, & do.
We do not quit, we overcome.
We run toward the Roar!